is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
