Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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