just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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