What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
