I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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