She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
