woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
