Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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