ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
