Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize