i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I came so hard my ears popped.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
