weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
