I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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