You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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