singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
