i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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