is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
