dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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