Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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