My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
