Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
