i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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