I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize