I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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