What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
