so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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