WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
