During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
