If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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