Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
