I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Randomize
