if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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