And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
