i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
