i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
