Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
