If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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