he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize