some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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