That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
