I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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