just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
this hospital has no fireball
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
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