They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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