Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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