The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i just google imaged poop.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
