P.S. I can't hear my feet
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
