Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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