Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
