I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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