White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
