I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
my shit smells like andre
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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