ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize