We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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