im drinking this country out of the recession.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
