if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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