It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
