it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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