New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize