so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Watching her eat just hurts me
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
