Are we in a gay sports bar?
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
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