I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
