Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
