my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
