so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
