the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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