I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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