i think my tv is drunk
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize