I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
True college students do jello shots in the library
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