I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
