I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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