Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
