Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
