I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
