I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
