Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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