i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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